The #1 Mindset Trick To Shut Off Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is debilitating.

Not to mention the FOMO you get when your anxiety wins and you decide to stay home.

It sucks. It’s like everyone else is an extrovert and somehow you’re the only introvert.

And while it’s true that many people are naturally extroverts, there are a LOT more introverts than you think. They just hide it well.

So at the very least, you’re not alone.

But wouldn’t it be nice to actually not have anxiety when going to a party or networking event?

These things are supposed to be fun and casual, yet you’re sweating from anxiety constantly worrying, “Do I look awkward? Have I talked to enough people? What do I do with my HANDS??”

But don’t worry…there’s 1 mindset trick you can use that can practically cure your social anxiety with enough practice.

The Spotlight Effect

The spotlight effect is a cognitive bias where individuals overestimate how much their actions and appearance are noticed by others.

And in most cases, this is the leading cause of social anxiety, thinking everyone is observing you, judging you, and forming opinions of you and you alone.

There was even a study performed in which students chose between 3 distinct t-shirts: one with a pic of Bob Marley, one with Jerry Seinfeld, and one with Martin Luther King Jr. and estimated that over 50% of the room would notice and recall the shirt.

However, less than 10% of the other students recognized what was on the shirts, demonstrating that people really don’t pay attention to things you’re wearing, what you’re doing, or how you’re acting.

But how can you convince yourself of this and finally stop worrying about what others think?

The Invisibility Trick

Anyone with social anxiety aspires to being invisible.

What if you had a Harry Potter invisibility cloak? Anytime you felt awkward you could just disappear.

Well, you pretty much already can.

I call this the Invisibility Trick, but it’s more of a mindset shift than an ability.

Because of the Spotlight Effect, most people with social anxiety are worried that everyone is looking at them.

They think people are forming opinions of them, talking about them, watching them to see how awkward they are.

But the reality is that over 90% of people in the room are most likely NOT looking at you.

Everyone else in the room is doing the same thing as you.

They’re thinking about themselves, talking to their immediate friends, and they don’t even see you.

Unless of course you’re like 8 feet tall or wearing a ridiculous hat, then that’s another story.

But when you adopt this mindset, you’ll notice that literally no one is paying attention to you.

As an actionable tip, try looking around the room.

At first you’ll be nervous to make eye contact with people, but what you’re realize is that you really don’t make eye contact with anyone.

It’ll show you first hand that you really are invisible, and that you don’t need to worry about what others are thinking.

Social Media And COVID Has Made Everyone Awkward

A good friend of mine who struggled with social anxiety once told me some great advice when I used to struggle with it as well.

He said, “it’s only as awkward as you make it”.

Meaning, nothing is inherently awkward, it’s just your self sabotaging, and convincing yourself that you’re hopeless awkward that makes things awkward.

So don’t overthink your conversations. Try to actually enjoy being where you are, and the awkwardness will naturally dissipate.

Also, keep in mind that pretty much everyone is SUPER awkward now.

After years in quarantine through COVID and WAY too much social media, most people are socially awkward now.

The other day I was at CVS and had my hands full. I asked a teenager near me if he could please grab a roll of paper towels and place it on the pile of stuff in my arms.

Interrupted from his TikTok scrolling , he looked at me as if I just asked him to help me rob the store. The kid simply had no idea how to talk to another human being anymore.

3 Anti-Anxiety Tips For Social Settings

Here are a few last tips that will help you gain control over your social anxiety:

• Come to the party armed with several “what” and “how” questions. When you ask “what got you into engineering” or “how did you find your job?” it opens up a conversation rather than it feeling like a “yes/no” interview

   

• It’s ok to take a 3 minute break alone with your phone, everyone does it. When you feel exhausted from social interaction or feel an awkward silence approaching, just say, “Anyway I gotta grab another beer” or “Oh I see my boy over there”, end the convo, and be by yourself for a few minutes. Everyone does this and you’re not weird for scrolling on your phone for a few minutes.

• Find “the crew” - In actuality you’re not expected to roam around the party and talk to everyone or else you’re anti-social. Pretty much everyone there is part of a “crew”. People stay in little crews and talk to those people throughout most of the night. It may seem like you’re up against the entire party, but really you just need to find a crew and hang with them the whole time.

The BMM Takeaway

Social anxiety is debilitating but can be cured.

I know because I’ve overcome it first hand.

And now I can do anything at a party and not feel weird, I’ll even have a discussion with a cat in the corner of the room by myself if I feel like it.

Because at the end of the day, parties and social outings are supposed to be fun, not draining. Learn to make it fun for YOU and stop prioritizing what others think, and the rest will come naturally.