How To Stop Fighting In Any Relationship With 3 Steps

Why Constant Fighting Is A Choice

Arguments happen in every relationship. But constant fighting? That’s a choice.

It’s emotionally draining, erodes trust, and leaves both people feeling disconnected. While conflict itself is unavoidable, how you handle it makes all the difference.

With the right approach, you can move past the cycle of arguments and into meaningful communication.

Whether it’s with a partner, family member, or friend, here are three steps to stop fighting and create healthier relationships.

Communicate Openly And Agree On Solutions

The root of most fights isn’t the disagreement itself, it’s the lack of clear communication.

Think about the last argument you had.

Was it productive, or did both sides just end up feeling misunderstood and frustrated?

Open communication is the foundation of resolving conflict. Research from the Gottman Institute, a leader in relationship studies, shows that relationships thrive when couples use “soft startups” in conversations. This means avoiding accusations and starting with understanding.

Start with a question like: “What do you need from me right now?”

This shifts the focus from the argument to problem-solving. It shows that you’re willing to listen and work toward a solution.

When it’s your turn to speak, avoid blame. Replace statements like, “You always ignore me,” with, “I feel unheard, and I’d like us to work on that.” Framing your feelings without accusations reduces defensiveness and keeps the conversation constructive.

After both sides have expressed their perspectives, agree on actionable solutions. If you’re arguing about chores, decide who handles what and stick to it. If the issue is time, create a plan for how you’ll spend it together.

Clear communication doesn’t just resolve the fight, it prevents the same issues from resurfacing.

Feel Empathy For The Other Person

This step is where most people struggle, but it’s the key to stopping arguments before they escalate.

Empathy means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Even when their perspective feels wrong or their actions seem unreasonable, understanding their feelings can de-escalate conflict quickly.

Here’s why: when someone feels unseen or unheard, they’ll fight harder.

According to Dr. Brené Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability and empathy, acknowledging someone’s feelings doesn’t mean agreeing with them, it means validating their experience.

Say things like:

• “I can see why this upset you.”

• “I understand where you’re coming from.”

These statements alone can diffuse tension because they show you’re not dismissing their emotions.

But empathy goes beyond words. It requires genuine effort to see the situation from their perspective. Ask yourself:

• What might they be feeling right now?

• Why does this issue matter so much to them?

It’s not about conceding every argument but about breaking the cycle of defensiveness. By being the bigger person and validating their feelings, you open the door to resolution.

Think of it as emotional leadership. Someone has to de-escalate the fight, and when you take that step, it often inspires the other person to do the same.

Focus On The Bigger Picture

Here’s a truth many people overlook: most arguments are about things that won’t matter in the long run.

When you’re in the middle of a fight, it’s easy to fixate on being right. But stepping back and refocusing on the bigger picture can change everything.

Ask yourself:

• Is this issue worth damaging the relationship?

• What’s more important, winning the argument or maintaining trust?

• How can we turn this conflict into a moment of growth?

For example, let’s say you’re arguing with a partner about spending habits. The bigger picture might be about aligning your financial goals as a team. If you’re fighting with a friend, the bigger picture could be valuing the years of trust and connection over one disagreement.

When you approach arguments with a focus on the relationship’s long-term health, it becomes easier to let go of small grievances.

This step doesn’t mean ignoring problems. It means solving them in a way that strengthens the bond instead of tearing it apart.

A study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that focusing on shared goals during conflicts helps couples feel more united and satisfied in their relationships.

The bigger picture keeps you grounded. It reminds you why the relationship matters more than the disagreement.

The BMM Takeaway

Fights are inevitable, but constant fighting doesn’t have to be.

By communicating openly, practicing empathy, and keeping your focus on the bigger picture, you can resolve conflicts in a way that strengthens your relationships instead of straining them.

The goal isn’t to avoid arguments altogether, it’s to handle them constructively.

These three steps help you move past blame and into collaboration, creating healthier, happier relationships.

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience and effort, you can break the cycle of fighting and create connections that thrive.