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How To Get Over the One Who Got Away
TLDR (Too Long Didn’t Read)
Embrace the Grief: Suppressing negative emotions can lead to prolonged suffering. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, and confusion.
Understand the Idealization Trap: The one who got away is often idealized, and the relationship is remembered as perfect. This is rarely accurate.
Create A Ritual of Closure: Closure doesn't happen on its own; it often requires deliberate action.
Invest In Self-Rediscovery: This is an opportunity to rediscover yourself. Reconnect with activities and passions that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Seek Professional Support: Seeking therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and gain new perspectives.
Redefine Your Narrative: The way you think about and narrate the relationship significantly impacts your healing process.
Reconnect with Your Support: Isolation can amplify feelings of loss. Reconnecting with friends and family can provide emotional support and remind you that you are loved and valued.
Engage in Mindfulness and Meditation: Studies show mindfulness and meditation can be powerful tools in managing emotional pain.
Set Future Goals: Looking ahead and setting new goals can provide a sense of direction and purpose.
Give Yourself Time: Be patient with yourself and recognize that healing takes time.
The notion of "the one who got away" is often steeped in nostalgia and regret, casting a long shadow over our emotional landscape.
Moving on from such a person isn't merely about following generic steps like "stay busy" or "meet new people." It involves a nuanced approach that addresses the unique pain and personal growth necessary to truly heal.
Understand this before proceeding: This article isn’t focused on getting “them” back or staying in a place of sadness. Rather, its aim is to help you become better by leveling up and becoming a better version of yourself, for yourself—not to get anyone back.
Here’s an in-depth guide to help you navigate this challenging journey.
1. Embrace the Grief
When someone we love leaves, it's natural to grieve the loss.
Suppressing these emotions can lead to prolonged suffering. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, and confusion.
Journaling can be particularly therapeutic during this phase. Write about your feelings, the good times, and even the bad. Acknowledging the depth of your loss is the first step towards healing.
2. Understand the Idealization Trap
The one who got away is often idealized, and the relationship is remembered as perfect. This is rarely accurate.
Reflect honestly on the relationship. Were there significant issues or red flags? What were the real reasons for the breakup?
This exercise helps in dismantling the pedestal on which you've placed the other person, making it easier to see them as they truly are—imperfect, like everyone else.
3. Create a Ritual of Closure
Closure doesn't happen on its own; it often requires deliberate action.
Creating a personal ritual can be a powerful way to find closure. For example, you could write a letter to your past partner and then burn it, symbolizing the release of your feelings.
It may sound corny, but this articl from Psychology Today shows that identifying the grief has profound effects in helping these feelings pass.
Alternatively, you might visit a place that was special to both of you one last time to say a mental goodbye. The key is to find a symbolic gesture that feels meaningful to you.
4. Invest in Self-Rediscovery
When a significant relationship ends, it often leaves a void.
This is an opportunity to rediscover yourself. What hobbies or interests did you neglect during the relationship? What do you now have time for that you didn’t before? Reconnect with activities and passions that bring you joy and fulfillment.
This isn’t about distracting yourself; it’s about rebuilding your identity and finding out what makes you happy independently. More on that later.
5. Seek Professional Support
Sometimes, the pain of losing "the one who got away" can be overwhelming, and self-help strategies might not be enough.
Seeking therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and gain new perspectives.
A therapist can help you work through complex emotions and develop coping strategies tailored to your unique situation.
6. Redefine Your Narrative
The way you think about and narrate the relationship significantly impacts your healing process.
Instead of seeing the relationship as a failure or a missed opportunity, try to view it as a valuable learning experience. Reflect on what you learned about yourself, your needs, and your boundaries.
Redefining the narrative helps transform a past relationship from a source of pain into a stepping stone for personal growth.
7. Reconnect with Your Support Network
Isolation can amplify feelings of loss.
Reconnecting with friends and family can provide emotional support and remind you that you are loved and valued.
Engaging in social activities can also help you re-establish a sense of normalcy and joy in your life. Let those close to you be part of your healing journey.
8. Engage in Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness and meditation can be powerful tools in managing emotional pain.
This study shows how mindfulness meditation reduced emotional pain in subjects by 44%.
Practices such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindful meditation can help you stay present and reduce anxiety.
These practices encourage you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, fostering a sense of peace and acceptance.
9. Set Future Goals
Looking ahead and setting new goals can provide a sense of direction and purpose.
And don’t make your goals romantic. Focus on your money, muscle, and mindset, and go all in on those topics.
These goals don't have to be grand; they can–and should– be small and manageable, such as taking a class, traveling to a new place, reading, learning new skills, or starting a new fitness routine.
Having something to look forward to helps shift your focus from the past to the future possibilities.
10. Give Yourself Time
Healing is not a linear process; there is no set timeline for moving on.
Some days will be harder than others, and that's okay.
Be patient with yourself and recognize that healing takes time. Celebrate small victories and progress, no matter how insignificant they may seem.
The BMM Takeaway
Getting over "the one who got away" is a deeply personal journey that requires more than just generic advice.
It involves embracing your grief, understanding the reality of the past relationship, seeking closure, rediscovering yourself, and finding support.
Through mindful practices, setting future goals, and allowing yourself time to heal, you can transform this painful experience into an opportunity for profound personal growth.
The biggest takeaway from us is to focus solely on your goals outside of romantic relationships. What are your money goals? Lean into it. Is your health where it needs to be or do you have your ideal physique? Go hard on that.
The best form of therapy is to become the best version of yourself in all areas.
Make it your mission to level up to a place you’ve never been. By doing this, you’ll transcend your previous beta self and leave the past pain where it belongs: in the past.
Remember, the end of one chapter is the beginning of another, and with each ending comes the possibility of new beginnings and newfound strength.