How To Break Free From Your Need For Approval

Wanting Approval Is Part Of Being Human

We all crave approval.

It’s part of being human.

From a young age, we learn to seek validation…from our parents, teachers, peers, and society.

But what happens when this need for approval takes control?

The truth is, constantly chasing approval can trap you in a cycle of self doubt and insecurity.

Instead of living authentically, you end up shaping your life based on what others think.

Research shows that the need for approval is deeply rooted in our psychology.

In fact, social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain.

This explains why we often go to great lengths to avoid disapproval, even at the expense of our own happiness and growth.

That’s why you need to break free from this cycle and start valuing yourself for who you are, not for what others want you to be.

In this article, we’ll explore the steps you can take to reclaim your independence and build a life that’s true to you.

Avoid The Approval Trap

The “approval trap” is a vicious cycle.

It starts innocently enough…you do something well, and you get a pat on the back. So you chase that feeling, doing more and more to earn others’ praise.

But here’s the catch: the more you seek approval, the more you start to depend on it.

Instead of trusting your own judgment, you begin to look outward, letting others define your worth.

This need for external validation is deeply ingrained in our social behavior.

Evolutionarily, our ancestors survived by being part of a group, which meant fitting in and gaining approval was crucial.

Fast forward to today, and that same instinct can work against you.

Modern society often amplifies this need with social media, where likes and comments become a digital measure of your worth.

The problem is, relying on others’ approval can lead to anxiety, stress, and a constant fear of rejection.

It’s a trap because the more approval you seek, the more you need it, creating a cycle that’s hard to break.

But recognizing that you’re in this trap is the first step to escaping it.

Start by questioning whose approval you’re really seeking, and why.

Is it because you truly value their opinion, or is it because you’ve been conditioned to need their validation?

By understanding this dynamic, you can begin to take back control and make decisions based on your own values and beliefs, not on what others might think.

The next step is understanding your true value.

Understanding Your True Value

When you base your self worth on others' opinions, you give away your power.

You let others dictate how you feel about yourself, which is a losing game.

The key to breaking free from this cycle is understanding that your value is intrinsic…it comes from within, not from what others think of you.

Your true value isn't something that can be handed to you by someone else.

It's not about how many likes you get on a post, how many people praise your work, or how well you fit into societal norms.

Your value is based on who you are at your core…your skills, your passions, your character.

When you start seeing yourself through this lens, you realize that external approval is just noise.

So, how do you start recognizing your true value?

Begin by acknowledging your strengths and achievements without downplaying them.

Reflect on the skills and qualities that make you unique. Write them down, if that helps.

The next time you catch yourself seeking approval, pause and ask yourself: “Why do I need this person’s validation? What does this approval really mean to me?”

Remember, the opinions of others are just that…opinions.

They don’t define you. The more you internalize this truth, the less you’ll feel the need to seek external validation.

Instead, you’ll start making decisions based on what you truly want and believe, leading to a life that’s more authentic and fulfilling.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful ways to protect your energy and preserve your self worth.

When you don’t have clear boundaries, you allow others to dictate your time, emotions, and even your values.

This makes it easy to fall back into the approval trap, where you’re constantly bending to meet others' expectations rather than standing firm in your own.

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out…they’re about defining what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationships, both personal and professional.

They help you stay true to yourself and ensure that your interactions are based on mutual respect rather than a one sided need for validation.

First, identify areas in your life where you feel overextended or where others’ demands conflict with your values.

This could be anything from agreeing to tasks at work that you don’t believe in, to spending time with people who drain your energy.

Once you’ve identified these areas, communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. It’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty or needing to justify yourself.

Enforcing boundaries can be challenging, especially if you’re used to seeking approval.

But remember, every time you stand firm, you’re reinforcing your self worth and reclaiming control over your life.

Over time, this will not only reduce your need for external validation but also improve the quality of your relationships, as they’ll be based on respect and understanding rather than one sided expectations.

Embracing Discomfort

If you want to grow, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

It’s a simple truth, but one that many people struggle with.

When you’re constantly seeking approval, you’re likely avoiding anything that might lead to rejection or criticism.

But the reality is, growth happens outside your comfort zone…where the stakes are higher, and the outcomes are uncertain.

Avoiding discomfort keeps you stuck.

You might feel safe, but you’re not moving forward.

You’re just staying in the same place, doing the same things, and wondering why you’re not getting any closer to your goals.

The fear of discomfort can be paralyzing, but it’s also one of the biggest barriers to personal growth and breaking free from the need for approval.

Research supports the idea that embracing discomfort is key to long term success.

This is because they’re not held back by fear…they’re willing to take risks, face challenges, and grow from the experience.

Begin by reframing your mindset.

Instead of seeing discomfort as something to avoid, view it as a sign that you’re growing.

Each time you step outside your comfort zone, you’re pushing your limits and expanding your capabilities.

Start with small steps…take on a challenging project at work, have that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding, or try something new that scares you.

The BMM Takeaway

Remember, the discomfort is temporary, but the growth is permanent.

The more you practice stepping into discomfort, the easier it becomes.

Over time, you’ll find that the things that once seemed daunting are now just part of the process.

And as you embrace this discomfort, you’ll notice your need for approval starts to diminish.

You’ll be too busy growing and evolving to worry about what others think.