How The “Lobster” Mindset Helps You Shed Your Old Self And Grow Stronger

Why You Need to Shed Your Old Self to Grow

Growth is a word thrown around a lot.

Everyone says they want it, but few really understand the cost.

True growth is uncomfortable, painful, and requires you to shed what you know. And there's no better example of this than the lobster.

Yeah, I said lobster.

See, lobsters don’t grow in a way that makes sense to most of us. They don’t just get a little bigger each day. Instead, they reach a point where they’re too big for their shell.

Their own protective armor becomes a prison, and the only way out is to break free from it entirely.

Imagine that, the only way they survive is by letting go of the very thing that once kept them safe. Sound familiar?

Here’s how you can break free of that shell and become the strongest version of yourself.

The Old Shell: Comfort, Identity, and the Trap of Familiarity

Most people cling to their "old shell" without even knowing it.

Your old shell is everything you’ve been up until now: your habits, your routines, your identity.

It’s comfortable. It’s familiar. And for a while, it might’ve been exactly what you needed to survive.

But there’s a point where the very things that protected you become the things that limit you.

Think about it... the identity you formed in high school, the beliefs you adopted from family or friends, the habits you picked up out of necessity.

They served you, but now they’re holding you back.

You can’t keep growing if you’re unwilling to shed that armor.

Here’s the catch: breaking out isn’t pretty.

For lobsters, it’s a process of literally tearing out of their shells, leaving them vulnerable.

For us, it’s the mental, emotional, and sometimes physical pain of letting go of the things that once gave us comfort and identity.

Why Growth Feels Like Losing Yourself

Here’s where most people get stuck...growth feels like loss.

To grow, you have to lose parts of yourself, your old habits, routines, even friendships that no longer align with where you’re headed.

And that loss can feel like you’re leaving behind who you are.

But here’s the truth: you’re not losing yourself; you’re making room for a stronger version of you.

Psychologists call this "identity foreclosure."

It’s when people lock themselves into an identity prematurely, like calling yourself "the quiet one" or "the unathletic one."

You get stuck in these roles, and they keep you from evolving. That’s like a lobster refusing to leave its shell...it’s self imposed stagnation.

You have to let go of labels, old narratives, and that comfortable idea of who you think you are.

The Science Behind Shedding Old Patterns

What’s wild is that there’s actual science behind this need to “shed” in order to grow.

Neuroscientists have found that every time we learn something new, neurons in our brain make connections. But here’s the kicker, new growth often requires pruning.

Just like a lobster needs to ditch its old shell, your brain needs to let go of old neural connections to make room for new ones.

This process, called “synaptic pruning,” is literally your brain’s way of shedding what it doesn’t need anymore.

You’re rewiring yourself for what’s coming next, not staying stuck in what’s comfortable.

The lobster doesn’t look back at its old shell with regret; it moves forward, focused only on what’s coming next. That’s the kind of mindset you need to grow.

The Blueprint To Building the Lobster Mindset

To build the “Lobster Mindset” is to understand that discomfort is the price of real strength.

Growth doesn’t happen in comfort. It happens when you’re willing to step outside the safety of what you know and stand exposed, in pursuit of something greater.

Just like a lobster that sheds its shell and grows a new one, building this mindset means exposing yourself to the unknown and growing through each uncomfortable step.

When a lobster sheds, it’s soft, vulnerable, and temporarily at risk, yet this phase is what allows it to grow larger, tougher, and better prepared for survival.

The same goes for us.

Growth comes from that willingness to be vulnerable and exposed, knowing you’re in transition toward something stronger.

In practice, this means not only facing discomfort but using it to fuel your personal transformation.

Step 1: Set Goals That Actually Scare You

Setting goals that scare you isn’t just about aiming high. It’s about creating a reality where your current self isn’t equipped to achieve those goals…yet.

Think of the goal as the new shell. It’s something you need to grow into, not something you’re already capable of achieving.

This process of setting higher goals creates a natural tension, a gap between who you are and who you need to become to achieve them.

Example: Imagine you’ve always been a quiet, reserved person, and you set a goal to become a public speaker.

You’re essentially setting a goal that forces you to grow in confidence, communication skills, and presence.

Research shows that this kind of goal setting stretches what’s called your “self concept,” or your idea of who you are.

By aiming for something that feels out of reach, you’re forcing your brain to adopt new traits and break away from old limitations.

Pro Tip: Write down goals that genuinely make you uncomfortable. Maybe it’s doubling your income in the next year, starting a side hustle, or training for a marathon. Whatever it is, make sure it requires you to abandon a part of yourself to reach it. Don’t just think about the “what”, think about the person you’ll need to become in the process.

Step 2: Embrace Discomfort as Your Growth Signal

We’re conditioned to avoid discomfort.

Society tells us to take the easy road, but easy doesn’t lead to strength.

Psychologists have found that embracing discomfort is directly related to resilience. A study on “distress tolerance” showed that people who actively put themselves in uncomfortable situations, whether that’s tackling a new skill or engaging in intense physical training, have greater mental resilience in all areas of life.

To build the Lobster Mindset, you need to reframe discomfort.

Instead of seeing it as something to avoid, look at it as a signal that you’re moving toward growth.

Each time you feel it, know that it’s a moment to expand beyond your current limits.

Example: Picture someone like David Goggins, who pushes his body to extremes. For him, discomfort isn’t a signal to stop, it’s a sign that he’s tapping into new levels of mental toughness.

Now, you don’t need to run 100 miles, but you do need to find that edge in your own life. Maybe it’s volunteering to lead a project at work or speaking up in situations where you’d usually stay quiet.

Pro Tip: Start with small discomforts. Take cold showers, introduce a new workout, or challenge yourself to speak in front of a group. Embrace that edge, it’s where growth lives.

Step 3: Seek Out Challenges That Force You to Evolve

Growth isn’t passive. You can’t sit around hoping to get stronger.

True growth requires intentional action, and that often means seeking out situations that actively challenge who you are.

Think of it as creating your own “stretch zone”, not so far out that you feel paralyzed, but far enough that you have to stretch to handle it.

Research on “deliberate practice,” a concept coined by psychologist Anders Ericsson, shows that pushing yourself just beyond your current abilities leads to significant skill and mental growth.

Example: If you’ve never been a leader, volunteer to lead a project. If you’re someone who avoids conflict, make it a point to have difficult conversations instead of retreating. This intentional seeking of challenge rewires your brain to see struggle as an opportunity, not an obstacle.

Step 4: Reevaluate and Shed Old Beliefs Regularly

Sometimes, the hardest part of the Lobster Mindset isn’t shedding the old shell but knowing when to do it.

We hold onto beliefs, habits, and behaviors that no longer serve us out of a sense of loyalty to who we used to be.

But real growth means regularly reevaluating what you believe and why. Just as a lobster outgrows its shell, you outgrow certain mindsets.

Neuroscience supports this need to “prune” old beliefs to make room for new growth.

As you take on new challenges and set bigger goals, you’ll find that your old beliefs, like “I’m not a leader” or “I can’t learn this skill”, don’t serve you anymore.

Learning to recognize when it’s time to shed these old beliefs keeps you in a constant state of growth.

Example: Consider Steve Jobs, who famously reinvented himself multiple times. He was fired from Apple, went through failures, and shed old beliefs about what a tech company “should” be.

Each time he did this, he made room for a stronger, more innovative version of himself.

Pro Tip: Schedule time every few months to assess what beliefs, habits, or mindsets you need to let go of.

Be honest. Ask yourself, “Does this still serve me?” If it doesn’t, let it go. Make space for growth.

Step 5: Build a Routine That Reinforces the Lobster Mindset

Routine is where the Lobster Mindset takes root.

It’s easy to get motivated, but it’s hard to keep pushing yourself every day.

That’s why building a routine around discomfort, growth, and reflection is crucial to sustaining this mindset.

Establish routines that reinforce the Lobster Mindset by consistently putting you in situations where growth is inevitable.

This could be a daily workout that pushes you physically, a weekly goal that challenges you mentally, or regular reflection on what you need to shed next.

Studies show that habits formed around discomfort lead to higher mental resilience and better performance.

Example: Start each morning with a challenge. This could be something as simple as a short, intense workout or a practice that requires focus, like journaling.

The key is consistency, by building a routine around discomfort and growth, you’re creating a cycle where shedding your “old shell” becomes second nature.

Pro Tip: Design a daily or weekly routine that forces you to confront discomfort, challenge beliefs, and reflect on progress. Make it a non negotiable part of your life.

The BMM Takeaway

The reality is, if lobsters didn’t shed their old shells, they’d die.

They’d be crushed by their own limitations.

And if we cling to our old selves, refusing to grow, we end up mentally, emotionally, and even physically “stuck.”

To thrive, we need to adapt, to face vulnerability, and to embrace the unknown.

The lobster mindset isn’t just about letting go, it’s really about survival.